$1K Per Carbohydrate Offense Bet

I’m only 35, but I feel like I’m going through a mid-life crisis. Not the buy a Harley Davidson and leave my wife for a stripper kind of mid-life crisis, but a different kind.

I consistently feel an overwhelming urge to undertake experiences I never have before. While my body is still somewhere near its peak (although about 15 years off), I want to ask unique things of it.

For example, I desperately want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro even though I absolutely despise bugs and getting shots and sleeping outside and eating freeze-dried meat. I don’t love water or roller coasters, but I want to white-water raft through the entirety of the Grand Canyon. I want to compete against world-class athletes, even if it means they’re using a frying pan. These are things that you could do once your kids are grown and you’re retired, but the optimal time will always be now. Any aging curve will show it’s all downhill from here.

It’s really easy to fall into the routine of day-to-day life and never experience anything new. Just wake up, get the kids ready for school, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch some HBO show and go to bed. But there is plenty of room for self-exploration that isn’t as time-consuming or epic as the things I mentioned above. And that’s where some of the lifestyle props we’ve done before come in. I’ve done two 1-mile races, a bunch of weightlifting props, racquetball etc. over the last year.

THE BET
The prop we’re doing this week is a no-carbohydrate bet. I guess it could be construed as a diet prop — and maybe that’s what it is to Peter and Bales. But for me, it’s simply asking something of my body I never have before. That’s because I honestly believe I have gone zero days in my entire life without eating a starchy carb.

I was such a picky eater growing up that my mom made me spaghetti with butter every night for roughly 10 years straight. When people would ask my parents what I like to eat, they’d say “Adam only eats beige food.” Even now, I eat some combo of bagels, cereal, soft pretzels, pasta, pizza, pancakes, waffles, potatoes, rice every single day.

So I’m not doing this bet to try to lose weight or get sexier – I really couldn’t care less about that. I am happily married, am balding, have rapidly expanding tricep hair and have already experienced intercourse with a female (at least twice, shout out Gender Labs LLC). I’m simply doing it to try something I never have before and see what happens.

THE TERMS
So here are the terms of the bet: For each carb “instance,” the offender will pay his opponents $500 each for a total $1,000 penalty. You can eat three pieces of French toast or one spoon of Cheerios and it’s the same penalty. We are aware that fruit has carbs in it and so do some sauces etc., but those foods are allowed. The spirit of the bet is no starchy carbs, nothing from the “beige” category. The bet begins Wednesday morning at 8am ET and will last one week.

I know this sounds really easy to a lot of people who can just plow through some meat, eat some fruit and call it a day. But I fear I’m going to starve. At the very least, my body is going to wonder what in the hell is going on.

As a way to keep myself accountable, I’ll be doing a short blog each day with everything that I ate and will report any penalties from Peter/Bales. Stay tuned for tales of my suffering.